I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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