Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
