Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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