I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
