I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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