If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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