wrigley field is MILF paradise
wanna go halves on a baby?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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