Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
