Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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