Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
