yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
