i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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