My sheets look like a crime scene.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
