Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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