do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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