Someone shit on the floor
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
home. puking in laundry basket.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
