his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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