just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
