So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
