I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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