I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
