I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
