You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
