i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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