Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
