Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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