I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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