I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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