Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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