Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
