it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
