Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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