I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
