in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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