You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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