Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
