Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
