I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
