Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
