SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
