I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
