Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
