Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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