Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
