The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
