the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
