Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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