; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
