ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
