the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
