I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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