im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
