Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
