I accidentally burped into my bong.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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