you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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