dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
