So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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