I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
