went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
