i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
