we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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