I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
