so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
