So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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