The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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