never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
