he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
