I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
