I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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